Second Guess.

I have a tendency to second guess myself. Over the past few years, I have come to the realization that this is my curse.

I can't seem to see things clearly until I step away. But then most often when I step back, I have already fucked up a good thing.

It actually amazes me a bit that I do this so consistently. I think I subconsciously try to sabotage myself...maybe it's because I write my best material when I'm in a funk...but who the funk knows? Maybe I just don't know who to be content.

This mentality seems to spill over into every facet of my life..relationships, jobs, geometric placement, etc.

I need to realize that I have so many amazing things right in front of me...but then again...how can I ever be a dreamer and make more of this life if I am content...DAMNIT! I just did it again!

Mano

I wrote this song about 2 years ago after a chance meeting with a spiritual counselor named Mano at the Griddle Cafe on Sunset Blvd. I didn't know at the time how drastically my life would change shortly afterward. Life can throw some curveballs.

Wartorn

This is a song I wrote about a year ago. It has never seen the light of day, so I thought it was time for it to shine.

People are people are people.

People are people are people.

How can I judge a person who is just being a person.

I feel like I know someone and they are on my same wave length but really they are on their own separate page.

People are people are people.

I thought I knew someone, and I really do...but at this point in time...they are just people...who only think of themselves and the repercussions of their immediate decisions...and that is a typical "people" thought.

I completely condone people being people.

It's not a choice...more of a reflex.

Sometime, when people think they can be as one...people are wrong.

People are people are people.

Life happens and thing change.

It's not a choice...it's real life.

Diabetes.

I met a guy today with diabetes type 2. He told me it was caused by his love for pasta. He blamed the whole fiasco on eating too much pasta. "Carbs'll kill ya!" is what he told me...yet within the 45 minutes I spent in his presence, I watched him suck down an 8oz Red Bull, two double shot cappuccino's and 4 cigarettes......for some reason I don't think it was the pasta that caused his diabetes.

Spring Cleaning.

I decided to do a bit of spring cleaning yesterday. I must admit that it was not what I wanted to spend a beautiful Sunday doing, but since I have been neglecting my little apartment for a while now...it was quite necessary.

So I arose from my bed, got a cup of coffee and some necessary cleaning supplies..and BAM! took care of business.

After 5 hours I finally finished. My apartment reeks of Orange Pine Sol and I am 9 grocery bags of clothes, 4 pairs of shoes, and 2 coats lighter. You're welcome GoodWill.

Recording.

I did some recording yesterday.

"My Hometown"
"Hint of Light"
"From Miles Away"
"I Believe In Ghosts"

French...Day One.

My mind is a bit fried at the moment. Today was the first day of my quest to be bilingual.

French is a language that I have always been interested in...and recently the universe has thrown me a few clear signs that it is the language I should he focusing on.

So today I got myself the whole Rosetta Stone set up and began my journey. I can tell already it is going to be a pretty intense and rewarding one.

But for now I must close my eyes and let my brain defragment.

L'homme dort.

The Perfect Macchiato!

Gym Face.

I was sitting in the hot tub at the gym this evening. It felt amazing...

This was the first time that I wasn't completely surrounded by large hairy men...so I was pretty happy about that. Another thing that I was happy about was that there were 3 relatively attractive girls in there as well. The mathematical equation for this scenario looks like this:

lack of large hairy men + 3 relatively attractive girls = Jon in a generally happy mood

So naturally in this generally happy mood, I smiled at the people around me. I thought I was just being friendly...throwing some positive vibes out into the universe. The funny thing that I noticed is that no one seem to want to accept my positive vibes. I would look towards them and they would quickly look away...completely afraid to make eye contact with me. They would rather stare at the wall than have to start a conversation with the jolly fellow next to them.

I understand this "I just want to work out and get the hell out of the gym" mentality. But I feel like if we all just started smiling at each other in the hot tub...we would be generally happier in our day to day routine. I mean we all see faces we recognize from the neighborhood busting ass in spandex, smelling like shit on the treadmill...why not strike up a conversation. This may make for a warmer next encounter at the local watering hole or coffee shop.

Just a thought.